I Discovered I Have Poor Hand-Eye Coordination Dumper Truck Racing

First and foremost, it’s fun. Secondly it’s easy peasy, even your Nan could do it (be afraid – she might just be there). With two joysticks to control your direction, you really don’t need to be Schumacher to master these mini machines. The controls are pretty simple. The real skill is keeping a lid on your competitive streak. It’s not just about speed – it’s about precision too, so you’ll need to call up all your cunning to complete the course penalty-free and in pole position.

These are real JCB dumper trucks with all the macho trimmings. Four-wheel drive, tons of torque, roll cages, the lot. But they’re seriously cute., too You’ve probably seen their big brothers rumbling about on construction sites. These mini dumper trucks are the real McCoy with tractor tyres and JCB logos and hard hats – everything you’d expect from an earth-shovelling JCB, just in miniature.

Dumper Truck Racing is all about full-on FUN in big shouty capitals. You can whip these little machines around in the mud with fingertip controls, get your foot down for a sprint finish and blast past the opposition. It’s the best fun you’ve ever had in a vehicle since you first stepped in a Dodgem. Just don’t try to ride dumpers like Dodgems because they don’t bounce. And they’re expensive (starting at around £20,000 each). And you’ll get in trouble.

Anyway, down to business. Here’s what happens on the day. You’ll be entering Diggerland after hours so you can waltz in like a celeb while Joe Public is being shown out (cue smug grin). On arrival at the dumper racing enclosure you’ll get the chance to meet your instructors and check out your steed, so don’t be late – your adversaries will be doing the exact same thing. Give yourself the best advantage – get there on time and don’t give them an inch.

You’ll undergo a safety briefing and an introduction to dumper trucks. Your instructors are a patient lot who live, breathe and dream dumper trucks so listen up, pay attention and don’t be afraid to ask daft questions.

Your trusty steed for an evening of sheer stress-releasing truckin’ bliss is a JCB Robot, otherwise known as a Skid Steer Loader. These one tonne beasts happily shift dirt, blast up stupidly steep angles and haul heavy loads around from dawn ’til dusk. They might be tiny but they’re tough, true and tonnes of fun. What’s not to love?

You’ll split off into groups of 3 or 4 ready to face off for the first of two competitive heats. There’s no ‘I’ in team but there’s a ‘me’ if you look hard enough, so now’s the time to get selfish. You’ll race against the clock and against the other dumper drivers for at least two racing heats, and your aim is to get round penalty-free with a good enough qualifying time for the Grand Final. Grand it most certainly is, and there’s a champion’s certificate up for grabs as well as eternal bragging rights, so the pressure’s on.

The end-to-end Dumper Truck Racing experience lasts for around two and a half hours. You should aim to get there around 30 minutes before your given time to make sure you arrive chilled and stress-free, minus any road rage. You’ll need a clear head and plenty of focus to make it through to the Grand Final, so give yourself plenty of time.

This time I decided to compete with my father-in-law. For the months preceding the day we’d been psyching each other out so needless to say we were both hungry for a win, if only for bragging rights. Armed with a competitive spirit and a sense of fun we headed down to Diggerland Cullompton in Devon (there’s other parks in With parks in Durham, Kent (Strood), and Yorkshire (Castleford)) to race dumper trucks on a Saturday evening.

We arrived half an hour before the park closed (4.30pm) as directed on our experience day tickets. Despite fears of rain the weather was good to us, with strong sunshine and a breeze. The park near Willand in Devon was easy to find and was only around 6 miles from our hotel we had checked-into. It’s next door to the grand-looking Verbeer Manor. The park is signposted and the winding path leads to the reception desk.

We checked-in swiftly and quickly and were asked if we wanted to race against each other (of course we did!). We were the third group to race, meaning we could watch some of the other competitors taking part beforehand and work out some tactics.

The third race introduced more complexity. This time we needed to weave in and out of the cones along the track, around the tyre and weave along the cones to race back. Despite my slow start I managed to keep up with the others though I clipped a cone along the way. Contestant three was speeding along whilst by the time we’d turned around the tyre both myself  and my father-in-law were neck-and-neck. We both clipped cones on the way back but he managed to pip me to the post again.

The fourth and final heat was more complex. This time we had to weave in and out – but in reverse. Looking over our shoulders we had to work out how best to navigate the course using the controls. Again, this one wasn’t my forte so as I had noticed the other two racing off when at the bottom of the course I decided to go for accuracy rather than speed, earning a few precious points!

In the end neither myself or my father-in-law ranked high enough for a final head-to-head race. The grand finale race was a photo finish too, as the best of the best raced in 3 dumper trucks, weaving in and out of the cones with expert precision. Clearly it was possible to fuse speed and agility with precision and accuracy but I couldn’t find the right blend. My problem was that when I headed in the wrong direction I over-compensated losing speed and accuracy. Next time I might stand a better chance!